Today have a terrible stomachache again...this is the 3rd time liao and the pain getting more and more worst than each time before...until my body shiver and with cold sweat...haix...i reali very scare that after i go hospital check up and the result will be a shocking news to me...i have never been this way until the time i abort my 2nd child...i wonder if that time i never abort then all this things will not happen and my baby boy already going 1 years old too...i feel very guilty towards my 2nd child even though i have abort him for 1 year plus liao...maybe now all this pain is he given to me for abandon him for being selfish towards him...until now i still can't forget about him although his face haven't form to human at all...i can still remember the scanning time i saw his heartbeat inside my stomach...a little tiny life...so wonderful....but too bad.....................

I don't know now he still around by my side looking after me or he already at heaven but i still wanted to tell him that baby boy...you will always be my child although i can't give birth you to this world...i never forgotten you at all...i always think about you but...i can never bring you back to life...if i can turn back the time,i swear i never listen to your papa to abort you...i swear no matter how tough my life is,i still will give you and reyna jie2 a good life even though i can't get my branded stuffs all that...!!!Mama really regret for what i have done...truly regret for my whole life...although my face never express out but whenever people talk about you,why i abort you?and i will stop my words and keep quiet because i know if i continue say,i sure will cry out....

I also hope you won't blame your papa too because that time reyna jie2 still small and your papa still NS and he don't want both of you suffer so he got no choice but to abort you...at first i don't allow and never try to understand why he wanna do that but after that i know that he really can't afford for the hospital fees and all the other things because he don't want people to help him at all so got no choice....i know he also feel bad but he can't show out too....or else he will start to feel stress all that...but i hope ALLAH will let me pregnant again and let you come back to our family again....(= because i know your face is same as your papa....so cute and handsome...before you born out,i already dream your face liao...(=